Being "Neighborly"

I received a letter in the mail on Friday, April 4, 2014, and felt compelled to respond to it. Unfortunately, the neighbor who sent it chose not to share their name, so I now find it necessary to share my response publicly in the hopes that they will read it. I am going to share their letter line by line, along with my responses to it. (The original letter text is bold, my responses are in italics)

To the anonymous neighbor who mailed a letter to my home in regards to my children:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. ________________

For the sake of my privacy, I have removed our last name. Your use of it, however, does leave me to wonder: have we met? The answer to that is of course, no, we have not met formally. How can I be sure of that? I’ve lived here ten months, and in that time, I have met ONE neighbor who came over to introduce themselves simply for the sake of being neighborly. Since she lives several houses away on a different section of my street, I can safely assume the letter did not originate there. I am sure you used the investigative power of the internet on some site like mcad.org to determine our names. Well played, neighbor. Well played.

When did kids playing and screaming at the top of their lungs become acceptable?

To my knowledge, playing has always been acceptable and encouraged in children. I’m not sure how you expect me to address “top of their lungs”, as this statement is subjective. Do kids scream? Absolutely, they can and do, often. Is it occasionally unnecessarily loud? You bet.

That kind of screaming should only be acceptable if someone is in pain.

Again, this is both subjective and vague. Do kids sometimes take screaming to the extreme? Of course they do.

I’m sure you send them outside so you don’t have to hear it; however, none of your neighbors want to hear it either.

Thank you for your passive/aggressive commentary on my parenting. Obviously you know so much about me thanks to your ability to google my last name. Also, who named you spokesperson for my neighbors? Is there some neighborhood screaming patrol group? Remind me not to join.

Playful yelling is one thing, but come on, ear piercing screams like someone is ripping their arms out of their sockets is a bit much.

Again, this is a subjective statement, but I will give it a whirl. First, how do you know that no one IS trying to rip someone else’s arm out of their socket? Second, who put you in charge of defining “playful yelling”?

All of your neighbors would truly appreciate you having them tone it down a bit, so we can all be outside and continue to enjoy our homes.

You don’t speak for “all of my neighbors” as I discovered when I approached other neighbors last night to try to determine who sent this letter. My children screaming should not prevent you from spending time outside, just like the incessant barking of neighborhood dogs does not prevent me from spending time outside. It’s part of living in a neighborhood. If you want silence, move to the country.

I have children as well, but do not allow them to disrupt the entire street.

Thank you, once again, for your scathing assessment of my parenting. I get it. I’m a bad mom, my kids are maniacs, and you are fed up. I am glad God blessed you with perfect children. Apparently, he had a sense of humor when he blessed me with mine.

Thank you!

I’m sure this is not a sincere statement, but I do want to thank you in return. Thanks to this letter, which alternately hurt, angered and saddened me, I did meet some wonderful neighbors last night who restored my faith in humanity, and made me feel happy that I chose this neighborhood in which to raise my wild, out-of-control children. Perhaps we can arrange a play date so the perfection of your children can rub off on mine. You know where I live, after all.

I leave you (the writer of this letter) and anyone else reading my responses with this: We are all working hard, and trying to live the best lives that we can. Am I perfect parent? Absolutely not, but I am parenting to the best of my ability, and love my children more than you can measure. Instead of sending anonymous letters designed to hurt people and tear them down, why are we (as a society) not looking for ways to make new connections with the people in our neighborhood? It is so easy to judge someone you do not know, and your opinion of that person will almost always be proven invalid once you get to know them. I encourage everyone to take a moment to get to know your neighbors. You never know when you may need their help and support.