WHAT is an accessory?

Today's rant is all about the word "accessory". Allow me to share the back story.

A few weeks ago, my cell phone started randomly turning off. It finally aggravated me to the point where I walked into my local cell phone store to complain. Surprise: my not so high quality cell phone was actually still under warranty, so they could order me a new one. I waited a few days, and sure enough, a new (read: refurbished) phone arrived. When I opened the package, I was surprised to see that the phone did not arrive with a new battery, OR a new back plate. I used my old battery and back plate, moved the SIM card, and life continued.

Last Monday, my phone randomly turned off again. Using my awesome powers of deductive reasoning, I decided the battery MUST be at fault, and went back to the store to discuss this. My genius customer service representative disagreed with my battery diagnosis, and advised me to call customer service myself to get a new phone. He mentioned that they don't have those batteries in stock at the store anyway. Nice.

So, I called customer service, yelled at the talking automated system, and was finally transferred to a phone rep. (As a side note-they could make an entire TV show re-enacting all of the crazy things that are yelled at a talking automated system) Gabrielle was happy to help, and sympathetic to my phone issue. She also agreed that it was a battery problem, since that was the common denominator betwixt the two phones. (whether betwixt is a word or not is a non-issue; don't bother Googling it because I like it, and will not edit it out!) She kindly offered to transfer me to the accessory department to order a new battery.

WHAT?!?!? A new battery is an ACCESSORY? AND I have to pay for it, because it falls under an "accessory warranty" of 90 days as opposed to the phone warranty of one year? Let's pause to define accessory. Accessory (noun) "a supplementary component that improves capability, being additional, being connected as an incident or subordinate" Last time I checked, a battery does not IMPROVE capability, it PROVIDES capability. It's NOT incidental-it's necessary for the phone to function!

However, my years in customer service have taught me never to abuse the poor, innocent phone rep, so I allowed Gabrielle to transfer me to the parts department. My sarcasm was lost on the gentleman who answered, as he did not "get" my snide accessory comments. The ultimate kicker? They don't have my battery in stock either, so happy hunting! Now for my unpaid advertising-I ordered my battery from elitextreme.com. Their prices were much more reasonable than my local third party battery vendor. (I saved $13, even with shipping)

The ultimate irony? My phone has not randomly turned off ONE time since I ordered the new battery!